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Stacy Yardley [: 00:00:09

Lao Tzu said, there's no illusion greater than fear. And yet fear crushes more dreams than doubt. In today's episode, we're going to talk about how to combat fear so that it doesn't kill your dreams. And before we do that, I'm going to share a story with you about the time that I realized fear was literally the elephant in the room. Are you ready to break through fear today? Let's get started. Welcome to life as a circus. So let's step into self mastery, where we explore the balancing act of unlocking your inner potential while navigating life's chaos. I'm Stacy Yardley, your host, a former circus showgirl turned transformational life coach.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:00:58

If you're juggling multiple roles or responsibilities and feeling like life is a circus, you are in the right place. Join me each week for captivating tales from my circus days and insights on realizing your dreams. Whether you're an entrepreneur, business owner, or an aspiring leader, this podcast is your guide to self mastery. So grab your top hat and let's step into the greatest show of all, the circus of life. Ready to embark on this transformative journey together? Let's begin. It was January 29, 1989, a time in history when the circus was still the classic three ring setup, complete with various teeter board acts, contortionist, aerial artist, high wire and trapeze, showgirls and clowns, and, of course, animals that included dogs, camels, llamas, bears, sea lions, tigers, and elephants. We had approximately 300 people on the show that included the animal crew, workers, concessions, performers, and their families and management staff that all traveled the country together by train, performing the greatest show on earth. As a showgirl, I had the honor of performing in front of thousands of people daily.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:02:17

This day we were in Atlanta, Georgia, and it's a day I will never forget. We had two shows scheduled for that day, and the first was just coming to a close with the big elephant act led by the great Gunther Gaba Williams. I was assigned to Susie, an indian elephant that shared the center ring with me during the famous cross mount that the elephants do at the end of their act. As she laid down front and center with me on her back, there were two african elephants named Bombay and Daisy, who stood on their hind legs on either side of Susie, and upon command from Gunther, they rested their front legs on Susie's back with me up near her head, sitting on her neck. So there we were, sitting in center ring as the band played circus man and the cross mount began as Bambi and Daisy stood on Susie's back. My arms raised up into a high v position and I smiled big for the audience. I was wearing my gold sequined leotard and headpiece that had hot pink feathers and three palms reaching out about 3ft high coming out the top of my headpiece. As the crowd began to applaud, I felt a familiar tap or bumping sensation on my headpiece, and I knew right away it was Bombi or Daisy playing with my feathers.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:03:36

So I began to lean forward a bit, and as I did so often when this would happen, so as to pull the feathers away from the African elephants that were too wild for anyone to ride and who had a playful demeanor, yet sometimes sketchy way of acting that felt unpredictable at times. As I continued to lean forward, I kept feeling something tapping my feathers, so I continued to lean away from them, but it wasn't working. I leaned so far forward that I was practically laying down on Suzy's head, when suddenly I felt a jolt off the top of my head and a roar of laughter rang out from the audience as people started pointing at me. Realizing what was happening, I sat up, turned around to look behind me, and sure enough, Bambi had pulled the feathers out of my headpiece with her trunk and was waving them around, playing with them like a flag. The crowd continued to laugh and point, and Mark, Oliver, Gunther's son, who assisted him during the elephant act, came running over, grabbed the feathers from Bambi and handed them to me as Susie got up. We then rode away, and I had the feathers in one hand, holding the elephant harness in the other, and a short post about two inches long sticking out the top of my head where the feathers were supposed to be. And as they say in show business, the show must go on. So I executed my usual dismount from Susie and finished out the closing of the show dancing featherless with a stubby headpiece.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:05:13

After the show was over, I was able to reattach the feathers and stick them back into the empty post and carry on with my day. Then, during the next show, I approached Mark as we were getting ready for the elephant routine, and I asked him if he would keep an eye on them to make sure they didn't do it again. We laughed about the incident and he made a comment saying, yeah, you're lucky it wasn't your head. And up until that point, I too thought it was funny, until I realized he was right. As fun as it was having the front and center spot atop Susie, I was also putting myself at risk. Being so close to two elephants who could easily take me out if they wanted to. Fear hit me in that moment, as I considered what could happen as we ventured out onto the arena floor, I wasn't sure what to think. Could I trust Mark to be there? Could I trust Bambi and Daisy wouldn't do it again? The threat was very real, as it was with so many other circus acts.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:06:17

Whether it be the fear of falling from the high wire, the fear of equipment failing during an aerial act, or just following yourself, or the fear of a tiger or elephant suddenly snapping and going after its trainer or attacking someone, it's a scary thought to think about. These are all things that have happened to people in the circus before, so having a fear that you're putting yourself in danger is not irrational. It's real. However, like I said, the show must go on. It turned out that Bambi and Daisy never repeated this behavior, and Mark was able to keep a close eye on them moving forward. But the takeaway lesson in fear was a big one. Let's talk a bit more about what I learned about fear that day and since, and how you can master your fear. Whether it feels very real, based on past experiences, or simply something that you can imagine could happen, and it debilitates you as a result.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:07:21

The thing is, fear often gets a bad rap because it as an entrepreneur, a business owner, or someone who is pursuing their dreams, it can stop you from moving forward, having hard conversations, or even making some much needed changes in your business or staffing, or in your life as a whole. And while it would be great to be fearless, we have to understand that we need fear sometimes to help keep us safe, because it can stop us from taking dangerous risks that have the potential to be catastrophic. However, the majority of the time, fear can and does work against us in so many ways, and so often holds us back from living a more joyful, fulfilling, and satisfying life. The truth is, we will never fully get rid of fear because it's a built in mechanism within our brain. Like I said, it can protect us from making really bad decisions. So if you're wanting to be fearless and essentially totally free from fear or experiencing any of it, think again, because that's likely not going to be the case, especially if you're stepping outside your comfort zone. And in order to grow, we have to step outside our comfort zone. Whether that's starting a new business, writing your marketing content, and sharing it on social media, or making big moves in your personal life, fear can show up in a variety of ways.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:08:48

And what's important to remember is that in order to get past your fear, you have to show up too, for yourself and your dreams, if you want to actually realize them. So where do you start? First, it's understanding the nature of your fear. Remember, as I touched on earlier, fear is a basic human emotion triggered by perceived threats, and it's essential for survival. And while that threat can be a tiger or an elephant, in my case, which could be seen as a rational fear, it could also be a threat of rejection, damaging your reputation, losing business opportunities, or even a personal relationship, which are more in the category of abstract fears. Whatever it is, the reaction is the same physiologically. The amygdala, the part of your brain that plays the role in processing fear and triggering fight or flight response, goes into action. This then causes a physical reaction that could be very unsettling in your body that makes you want to run or hide. For many entrepreneurs, I find the freeze response can often happen as a result of giving into fears, which then makes things things even harder.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:10:06

Of course, there are many different types of fear, too. Physical fears are related to immediate physical danger, like my experience with the elephants, or my fear of falling off the spanish web. But abstract fears, such as the fear of failure, rejection, or the unknown, is what I'm addressing here today. Regardless of whatever type of fear you're experiencing, they can all be debilitating and require different strategies to manage. For the sake of today's discussion, I'd like to address a few of the fears that entrepreneurs often face, and often some strategies to overcome them. These include, first, the fear of failure and the impact it could have on you, your family, and your self esteem. Failing at a business that you've poured everything into can be quite devastating. I know, because I've witnessed others fail at businesses after they've mortgaged their house to finance and put themselves into deep financial hardship, and sometimes even bankruptcy, which this then can lead to the next fear.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:11:14

And that's the fear of financial instability. If you're an entrepreneur, you know how the uncertainty of income can create anxiety. It's not an easy thing to deal with. And when this fear shows up in your life, look out, because it can be absolutely debilitating and cause you to wanna call it quits. I remember when I first went full time in my coaching business. I had been wanting to go all in for years instead of splitting my time between a full time job and coaching clients part time on the side. So when I lost my job due to mass layoffs, I decided that this was my opportunity to make it happen. What I didn't expect was the incredible anxiety that would ensue about six months into it, when the numbers weren't hitting where I needed them to in order to sustain my cost of living.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:12:07

Thankfully, I was able to turn things around by allowing that moment to motivate me into more action. Nevertheless, the fear that I could end up on the street and homeless was horrifying. I know I'm not alone here, and I'd say financial fear is probably one of the biggest fears that keeps people from truly stepping out and pursuing their dreams and what causes people to call it quits at the first sign of financial instability. Thirdly, we have the fear of criticism. Worrying about how others perceive your decisions and actions is a fear I often see overshadowing aspiring entrepreneurs struggling with again and again. This is one that requires the inner work of believing in yourself and trusting yourself and the decisions that you make in spite of what others think. These are only three fears that I've highlighted here, but when it comes to these fears, or any others that may arise, it's important to know that there are strategies you can use to get past your fear. Before I explain what those are, I want to just circle back to a point I made earlier that you'll never really be able to get rid of fear completely.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:13:21

So take on fear as an opportunity to grow, and don't shame yourself. If you've experienced fear and buckled to it a time or two, you're not alone. But you need to know it doesn't have to be this way. You can experience fear and continue moving forward. The thing to do when you notice you're experiencing fear is to first acknowledge and accept that you have it. It's a part of being human. By acknowledging your fears and feeling them, you can begin to transform them into stepping stones towards growth and self discovery. Much like my time in the circus, I wasn't about to bail out on my role as a showgirl when the fears would arise, and I certainly didn't want to stop performing with the elephants.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:14:09

I had to face the fear and do it anyway. Self mastery is all about how well you're able to master yourself and your fears in order to actualize your dreams and become who you want to be. One way to do this is by using your fear as a motivator. If you allow it, fear can actually propel you to prepare more thoroughly and push beyond your limits. You may remember in episode eight where I talked about the fear of being moved to another unit in the circus because I couldn't do the spanish web and how that motivated me to work harder, get mentored by a fellow performer, and break through my fear of not being strong enough, which in the end ended up working out in my favor. If you're afraid to mess up on a presentation or maybe a speech you're doing for your business, you can use that fear to motivate you to thoroughly prepare and practice to ensure you're ready to perform your best. Lets take a look now at some of the other ways you can begin to work with your fear and help lessen the impact of it and begin moving forward instead of letting it hold you back from chasing your dreams. First is mindful meditation.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:15:22

There are so many benefits to meditation and I wont go into them all here now of course. But when it comes to identifying your fears and letting them go, doing a mindful meditation around them can really help. Allocating time to sit quietly, focusing on your breath, and just allowing whatever wants to come up to come up. Then when the fears arise, acknowledge them without judgment and gently return to your breath. This helps in detaching from fear and understanding its transient nature. Next is the powerful tool that I've mentioned before and will likely mention again. And that's the process of journaling. Writing about your fears, exploring their roots and the realities of the threats they pose can help you get more perspective.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:16:12

This practice can demystify your fears and reduce their perceived intensity, allowing you to release them or move through them with more grace. Exposure therapy is another method that some use to get past their fears. To practice exposure therapy, you want to begin with small, controlled exposures to the source of your fear with the goal of desensitization. Then incrementally increase that exposure level as your comfort grows, demonstrating to yourself that you can manage and survive the feared situation? Lastly, and this one is a big one because it sets you up to really expand awareness in a positive way. Every day, take time to list things that you're grateful for, while also feeling into the emotions that gratitude can elicit, such as inner peace, joy, and satisfaction. This shifts your focus from fear to abundance and positive aspects of your life, fostering a mindset less conducive to fear. When it comes to experiencing fear, we have to remember that it's going to happen because it's a part of the human experience, but we always have a choice in how we respond to it. What fear is holding you back right now? And of those things I've listed here, which one will you begin applying today? Will you allow it to motivate you to break through to a new level? Or will you begin to slowly expose yourself to it to desensitize yourself of it? Mindfulness and journaling can also help you get some distance from it, or you can begin to shift more into love through gratitude.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:17:53

Self mastery means that you don't allow your fears to call the shots in your life. Instead, you empower yourself to overcome it and move past it. And while fear can oftentimes seem so real, I want to encourage you to begin a new relationship with it today. Start by acknowledging it when it shows up and then moving through it by releasing it. This way, you can continue making your life the greatest show of all. Thank you for joining me on this episode of life as a circus. So let's step into self mastery. I hope you found inspiration and valuable insights to carry with you on your journey.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:18:32

If you enjoyed today's episode, please share it with a friend and subscribe or follow wherever you're listening. Remember, in the circus of life, the greatest show is the one you create for yourself. Until next time, keep embracing your dreams and stepping into self mastery. Take care and I'll see you next Tuesday.