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Stacy Yardley [: 00:00:10

Have you ever faced a decision so big that it felt like the weight of the entire future was resting on it? In today's episode, I'll take you back to a pivotal moment in my life, the day I needed to decide whether I would re sign my circus contract or choose to walk away. We'll dive into the courage it takes to make tough decisions, the importance of alignment with your true self, and how embracing uncertainty can lead to incredible growth. If you've ever felt stuck or wondered whether it's time to pivot, this episode is for you. Are you ready? Let's dive in.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:00:48

Welcome to life as a circus. So let's step into self mastery, where we explore the balancing act of unlocking your inner potential while navigating life's chaos. I'm Stacy Yardley, your host. A former circus showgirl turned transformational life coach. If you're juggling multiple roles or responsibilities and feeling like life is a circus, you are in the right place. Join me each week for captivating tales from my circus days and insights on realizing your dreams. Whether you're an entrepreneur, business owner, or an aspiring leader, this podcast is your guide to self mastery. So grab your top hat and let's step into the greatest show of all, the circus of life.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:01:37

Ready to embark on this transformative journey together? Let's begin.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:01:43

It had been six weeks since being hospitalized, and I was finally back in full swing of living the circus life. Opening night in San Diego was a success, even though I was extremely nervous as I began to get back into the day to day performing, my body was sore, mostly from the spanish web due to the athleticism required to perform the routine. I had the opportunity once again to do a live interview with a local news station and made an appearance on the highly esteemed Michael Reagan radio talk show. I felt like a hometown star as my story and photos were also featured in the front page of the San Diego Union newspaper, as well as a big full page spread as the COVID article in the entertainment section. Over the weekend. I was also so happy that I had weighed in at 127 pounds, which was my lowest weight since joining the show, even though I still wasn't at my show weight that they had assigned to me at the beginning of the tour. I did lose a few pounds as a result of being sick, and I was within the two pound window, so I couldn't be fined for being over my show weight. I was desperately hoping it would stay that way.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:03:00

Upon returning, I also was shocked to learn that Tyrone had gotten married while the show was in Phoenix Arizona. It felt like a punch in the gut, even though I knew it was going to happen eventually. This was the man who once had been so important to me and made me feel so good. And suddenly it was as if I didn't even exist in his world. He couldn't even acknowledge me anymore. I was mad and frustrated, but what could I do? If he wanted to ignore me, then fine, let him, is what I thought to myself. I decided right then I didn't need him anyway. Or at least that's what I kept telling myself.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:03:45

But of course the show had to go on. It turned out that one of the other showgirls had gotten hurt and because I was still considered the alternate writer and one that they could move around within the lineup, I ended up riding her elephant, Toby, for a few days. Elephant number nine for me. As for life with the other dancers, well, things were pretty much the same. But I wasn't. Something inside of me had shifted. I decided it was time to focus on myself, to do my own thing. I wanted to explore new places and stop caring about what everyone else thought or said.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:04:25

I hoped that I could hold on to that attitude because the circus lifestyle could really drag you down if you let it. Even though we were all there by choice, sometimes life on the road was daunting. Sure, we loved the life we lived, but not every day felt that way. One afternoon I was talking to one of the other dancers. She looked so tired and I could see the weight of all of it in her eyes. She told me she wanted to go home, that she had dreamt about her boyfriend the night before and just wanted to be back home with him. She leaned forward, her hands cradled in her forehead, and I could feel her sadness, this deep yearning for something more, something beyond the circus. Then there was the morning in the kitchen of our train car.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:05:16

Another dancer and I were chatting when one of the other girls came storming down the hall fuming about something. I can't believe that bitch moved my bag, she snapped, clearly annoyed. It was kind of funny in a way. Everyone always had something to complain about, but no one ever did anything to change it. And honestly, if you think living with a mother and a teenage daughter is hard, try picturing 17 women all living together in very tight living quarters on a train all syncing up with the same PM's dates. Its a scary thought, but at the same time it was hilarious. In todays society it probably would have made a pretty good reality tv show. But even though I had found humor in it, the truth was beginning to slowly emerge from within me.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:06:11

Circus life wasn't something I wanted to continue past this season because it was just so hard. Nevertheless, I was committed to going the distance and finishing out my contract. That was still in effect for several more months as we moved up the California coast, performing in Los Angeles and the surrounding areas, I found myself being called on more frequently as the alternate elephant rider and being shuffled between elephants. It seemed that every week another girl was sidelined with an injury or an illness and I was there to step in, ready or not. I journaled about how my body was adjusting since returning back and expressed my emotions about the dynamic that continued to play out between Tyrone and I. My calves are hurting like they did in Venice and I've got bruises. It's like I'm training all over again and I can't get used to the way the handlers are treating me. Well, I should say a handler whose name is Tyrone.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:07:13

Of course. I don't know what the deal is, but for some reason it's like I don't even exist. Like now that I'm riding baby, he gets me down off the tub tricks. And after the cross mount. Well, tonight, after the cross mount, he gets me down after totally hooking baby and then lets me drop and get pushed into Bonko, another elephant. Then he doesn't even look at me. I can't believe it. I mean, after all we went through he can't even look me in the eye now or talk to me with more than one sentence.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:07:48

I don't get it. Yeah, he's married now, I understand that. But does that mean he's got to totally shut himself away? Maybe I just can't understand. Not the way he wants me to or expects me to. I mean, I remember he used to tell me I was cool. Don't wig out on me, he used to tell me. And he used to say, this isn't right. We shouldn't even get involved.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:08:15

Maybe he was right. Maybe I never should have gotten involved with him. Maybe he knew this would happen the whole time. Maybe I never really knew him in the first place, you know? Maybe I just thought I did. I don't get it. I just really don't get it. I guess you live and learn, right? But why does it have to interfere with work? It shouldn't, but it is, and I don't like it. The tension remained for a few more days.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:08:47

Then eventually things started to turn around as I continued to get acclimated to writing baby and Tyrone stopped being rude to me backstage. Things were also beginning to get a bit more intense as the pressure to be thin began to get stronger. My weight had been holding steady, but after the initial drop of being sick, I noticed the numbers began creeping up again. It felt like a losing battle, one that was about to become even harder. The show management had started fining dancers for being overweight, and it was a brutal system. Every pound over the allowed amount meant money out of our pockets. It wasn't much, but it was the principle that mattered. The pressure to stay at a certain weight was suffocating, and it was all I could do to hold back the tears.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:09:44

Then it happened. After one of the weigh ins, I registered over the two pound window and I was fined $4. It was like a slap in the face. My frustration boiled over when the performance director suggested that my show weight be lowered to 120 pounds, a weight that I hadn't been at since I was in high school. I broke down and cried so hard that day under the pressure of the unrealistic expectations. It felt like the weight of the entire circus world was on my shoulders, crushing me, and all I could think about was how badly I wanted out. I wanted to quit, to leave it all behind. But I knew I had to see it through, at least until the end of the season.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:10:32

Then there was the tension surrounding contracts. Rumors started circulating that Tim Holst, one of the higher ups, was in town and people were saying that contract negotiations were coming up. I'd already decided that I didn't want to return next year, but there was still the option of maybe going to Japan, a once in a lifetime chance that was hard to ignore. Despite the stress, there were still moments of excitement. Special performances that included celebrity nights were a highlight as they were a chance to brush shoulders with stars, if only for a moment. I'll never forget the time Henry Winkler shook my hand or the photo I took with Tony Danza and Corey Feldman backstage. It was surreal. But those moments of glamour couldn't overshadow the growing certainty in my heart that I needed to leave the circus behind.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:11:30

By the time the showgirl contracts were finally handed out, my mind was made up. I decided to not move on, to not sign for another year. There was a strange sense of relief in that decision, a feeling of freedom that I hadn't experienced in a long time. I wasnt the only one. Nearly all of the other girls were making the same choice. Out of 13 showgirls, eight of us were not coming back. It felt like a mass exodus, and those of us who had made the decision were noticeably happier as if a weight of the decision had lifted the burden off of our shoulders. With three months remaining, the season wasn't over yet.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:12:16

But knowing that I was on my way out meant that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I was determined to make the most of it, ensuring that I'd have no regrets when I finally walked away. Although the thought of going home and starting over filled me with excitement, a small part of me couldn't help but wonder if I'd missed the circus life once it was all behind me, would I look back and remember how easy it had all seemed compared to the challenges waiting for me outside the big top? Or would I be relieved to leave it all behind? Little did I know the hardest part of this journey was still ahead, and the outcome was the last thing I ever would have expected. Looking back at this time when I was in the circus, there was a strange mix of relief and uncertainty. I knew I had made the right decision to not sign on for another year, but I couldn't help but wonder what was next. It was a pivotal moment, one that made me realize how the decisions that we make can define the path ahead. It wasn't just about leaving the circus. It was about reclaiming control over my life and making choices that aligned with my true self.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:13:41

And that's what I want to talk about with you today, how the decisions we make, especially when pursuing our dreams, can propel us forward or keep us stuck. First off, let's talk about the courage it takes to make a decision. Any decision, whether it's a small step or a life changing pivot, making a choice requires a certain level of bravery. For me, choosing not to renew my contract was terrifying. It meant letting go and stepping away from a dream and a life that I was once very excited about. But it also meant choosing myself, my health, and my future over staying somewhere I no longer wanted to be. This isn't the only time in my life that I've had to make hard decisions. This past week, I faced another hard decision, one that mirrored the courage it took to leave the circus.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:14:40

After years of teaching, I decided to step down as a Zumba instructor for good, closing a chapter that once brought me so much joy and one that has been very near and dear to my heart. I began teaching in 2010 at a time in my life when I was pioneering a new path and a new life for myself, which, by the way, is an amazing story within itself that I'll share with you another time. But the point is, it was a decision that needed to be made one way or another. And I finally decided it was time to let go for good and start looking forward to what's next for me, rather than trying to hold on any longer. I know I will have some disappointed students, and sometimes that can happen when we choose to go another direction. It takes courage to lean into what ultimately is best for ourselves rather than living and working just to please others. And that's the first takeaway I want you to consider. What decisions are you currently facing that require courageous and are you choosing what's best for you? Or are you holding on to something out of fear or the need to please others? Courageous decisions are often the hardest, but they're also the ones that can lead to the most growth.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:16:07

Now let's talk about knowing when it's time to pivot. We've all been there sticking with something because we've invested so much time, energy or money into doing it. This can create a multitude of problems, including frustration, resentment, and even burnout. Sometimes the best thing that we can do for ourselves is to recognize when it's time to shift directions. For me, the circus was a dream come true. But over time, it became clear that it wasn't where I was meant to stay. There have been multiple times in my career and my personal life when I've decided it was time to pivot because things felt stale, stagnant, or simply just not aligned with who I was or my goals and aspirations anymore. Ask yourself, is there something in your life right now that's no longer serving you? Are you holding on to it because it's comfortable? Or are you afraid of what might happen if you let go? It's okay to pivot, to change your mind and to choose a new path.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:17:20

In fact, it's necessary for growth. When you pivot, you're honoring the natural cycles of change. And oftentimes, pivoting can open you up to more opportunities, more growth, and more possibilities. Don't be afraid to reassess or make a change when it's needed. Oh, and I can't go on without reminding you that when you do pivot, don't beat yourself up over it by telling yourself that you're a failure for doing so, or cause yourself undue stress by questioning what people will think of your pivot. Because again, at the end of the day, change is the only constant. And when we lean into change via the pivot, we also lean into possibilities. And that can be pretty exciting stuff that can reignite your passion and infuse new positive energy of expansion to where you want to go next? Another crucial aspect of decision making is alignment, making sure that your choices reflect who you truly are and what you most value.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:18:34

When I decided to leave the circus, it was because the life that I was living wasn't aligning with the person I wanted to be anymore. I wanted something different, something that felt more like me. Knowing yourself and your values is an important part of self mastery, and it's foundational in the work that I do. I always start the journey with my new clients by first checking in with them on whether or not they even know what their core values are. Oftentimes, I will have women come to me wanting to move forward and make some decisions to take action on, but they can't even rattle off their top five core values to me at the mention of them. Knowing who you are and knowing what you value most in life is key. When you're seeking alignment in both work and your personal life, take a moment to reflect. Are the decisions you're making today in alignment with who you are at your core? Are they bringing you closer to your dreams, or are they leading you away from them? When your decisions are aligned with your true self, they feel right, even if they're difficult.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:19:49

That's a key indicator you're on the right path. Lastly, let's talk about embracing the unknown. Every decision we make carries with it a certain level of uncertainty. When I first joined the circus and when I decided I didn't want to stay another year, both decisions had uncertainty in them. I had no idea what was next. It was terrifying, but I had to trust that I was making the right choice for myself, even if I couldn't see the full picture yet. So think about it. Are you willing to embrace the unknown in order to pursue your dreams? Can you trust yourself enough to take that leap, even when the outcome isn't guaranteed? Embracing uncertainty is a part of the journey.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:20:41

It's where growth happens, where we find out who we're truly capable of being. Finally, I want to touch on the importance of trusting yourself. Trusting your gut. In my own journey, there were moments when I knew deep down what the right decision was. But I hesitated out of fear and doubt. Learning to trust yourself is a key component of self mastery. It's about listening to the inner voice, even when it's telling you something you don't want to hear. So ask yourself, what does my gut say, and am I willing to listen? This next week, I want to challenge you to take it a step further.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:21:30

Choose one decision, big or small, that's weighing on you. Create a simple action plan to move forward. And if you're ready to dive deeper, consider joining my pure power posse membership. This is where we tackle decisions together, ensuring that they align with your true self. Maybe it's something you've been avoiding or a choice that's been lingering in the back of your mind. Whatever it is, take that first step. If you're ready to dive deeper into mastering your decision making skills and taking control of your life, then I invite you to join the pure power posse membership where we explore these themes together in a supportive community. I'll put the link in the show notes for you to check it out.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:22:16

You can also reach out to me personally via my email that's also in the show notes. If you're interested in joining or have any questions, it's time to take charge of your journey and to start making decisions that truly serve you. Decisions shape our lives. Whether it's a small choice or a big leap, every decision has the power to change our trajectory. The key is to make those decisions with intention, courage and alignment in who you truly are. As you move forward in your own journey, remember that it's okay to pivot, to change your mind, and to choose a new path when it feels right. Trust yourself, embrace the unknown, and remember every decision, every step you take is guiding you closer to the life you're meant to live.

Stacy Yardley [: 00:23:13

Thank you for joining me on this episode of Life is a circus, so let's step into self mastery. I hope you found inspiration and valuable insights to carry with you on your journey. If you enjoyed today's episode, please share it with a friend and subscribe or follow wherever you're listening. Remember, in the circus of Life, the greatest show is the one you create for yourself. Until next time, keep embracing your dreams and stepping into self mastery. Take care and I'll see you next Tuesday.